# 작가의 다른 작품 

Gone Girl 

Grownup

몸을 긋는 소녀

# 읽고 나서. 

시골마을의 딸 셋, 아들 하나, 엄마 이렇게 살고 있는 집에서 끔찍한 살인사건이 발생한다. 아들이 가족 모두를 무참히 살해, 막내딸만 간신히 도망친 사건. Ben은 엄마를 칼로 찌르고 총으로 머리를 날리고, 도끼로 동생들을 찍어 죽인 사건의 범인으로 지목되어 재판을 받고 수감된다. 그리고 24년이 흐른다. 

가족 살해 사건의 생존자 Libby는 이모네에서 키워지다 이제 독립한 상태. 당시 엄마의 생명보험금은 Ben의 변호 비용으로 거의 다 들어갔고, Libby는 사람들의 모금활동을 통해 모인 돈, 그리고 생존자 이야기를 책으로 내서 벌어들인 수익 등으로 살아간다. 그리고 이제 성인이 된 그녀는 혼자 힘으로 살아가야 할 위기에 놓인다. 더 이상 어린 생존자 Libby에 대한 관심은 없다. 더 어린 피해자들이 그녀의 자리를 차지했으니까. 

그런 그녀에게 Kill Club이라는 범죄조사 동호회(?)에서 연락이 온다. Ben 이 살인자라고 믿지 않는 클럽의 회원들이 생존자 Libby와 이야기를 나누고 싶어 한다. 그녀가 다시 기억을 더듬어 완전히 설명되지 않은 소소한 디테일들의 의미를 명확히 해주길 바란다. 끔찍한 사건에 기대어 살아오긴 했지만 그 당시 기억과 최대한 멀리 떨어져 있던 Libby는 처음에는 돈 몇백 달라를 벌기 위해서, 그리고 나중에는 진실을 알아내 마음의 평화를 얻기 위해 사건 이후 한 번도 보지 않았던 오빠를 면회하러 간다. 그리고 그날의 진실이 하나씩 드러난다. 

가난한 농가에서 여러 식구들과 하나의 화장실을 함께 써야 하는 것에서부터 학교 청소 일을 아르바이트로 하며 매일 냄새난다고 놀림을 당하는 일까지, 가난에 짓눌린 청소년기를 보낸 Ben 이 엇나가는 상황을 이해한다. 그럴 수밖에 없던 엄마도. 가난이 무슨 죄라고. 괜한 치기로 거짓말을 했다 일을 크게 벌여버린 Krissi Cates의 현재 모습은, 속 시원하다가도 어렸던 네가 무슨 죄냐 싶고. 인종차별로 늘 손가락질을 받았던 Trey 도, 돈만 쥐여주고 늘 곁에 없는 부모님에 외로웠던 Diondra도. 결국 돈 혹은 어른들의 이기심, 자존심이 만들어낸 모습이었음에 씁쓸하다. 

그럼에도 불구하고. 모든 것은 찰나다. 빨간 머리 소년이 괜히 염색을 하지 않았더라면, 엄마가 아침 식탁에서 모자를 벗어보라고 괜히 윽박지르지 않았더라면, 조금 더 믿어주었더라면, 조금 더 의지했더라면...........라면라면............

사건은 잘 해결된 것처럼 보이지만, 다시 햇볕을 받는 Ben의 마음은 아직도 약간은 뒤틀려있다. 숨기는 게 지키는 것만은 아니라는 교훈일까. 마지막이 씁쓸하고, 세하다. Gone Girl에서도 그러더니만... 

*밑줄

People always were. They always wanted to know : What kind of woman gets slaughtered by her own son? - 16p

I can't believe you don't remember this. It was so stupid, it made me so mad. I was mad I had to share a bathroom with you all of you, I was mad I lived in a house with one toilet that didn't even work, I was mad about the bunny. The bunny. - 98p

Whenever I see news stories about children who were killed by their parents, I think: But how could it be? They cared enough to give this kid a name, they had a moment - at least one moment - when they sifted through all the possibilities and picked one specific name for their child, decided what they would call their baby. How could you kill something you cared enough to name? - 135p

"I just want the truth."

"And i just want to tell you the truth, but you seem to want...ta story, I just, I mean Christ, here comes my little sister after all these years and I think, well, here might be one good thing. One good thing. She sure as hell wasn't helpful twenty-four goddam years ago, but, hey, I'm over that, I'm so over that the first time I see her, all I am is happy. I mean there I was in my fucking animal pen, waiting to see you, so nervous like I was going on a date, and I see you and, jeez, it's like, maybe this one thing will be OK. Maybe i can have ome person from my family still in my life and I won't be so fucking lonely, because - and I mean, I know you talked to Magda, belive me I heard all about that, and so yeah I have people who visit me and care about me, but they're not you, they're not anyone who knows me except as the guy with the...and I was just thinking, it'd be so goddam nice to be able to talk with my sister, who knows me, who knows our family, and knows that we were just like, normal, and we can laugh about goddam cows. That's it, you now, that's all I'm asking for at this point. Just something as tiny as that. And so I wish I could tell you something that won't make you...hate me again." He dropped his eyes, looking at the reflection of his chest in the glass. "But I can't." - 196-197p 

But now he knew how the violence felt, and he wanted more. In a few days, he'd be thinking about it, the bell rung, can't unring it, and so he'd be thinking about it, obsessing about it, the killing, but he doubted Trey and Diondra would take him out again, and he would be too pitiful, too scared, as always, to do it alone. - 279p

Teach everyone a fucking lesson. All those fuckers who never seemed to have any trouble, who seemed to just glide by - hell, even Runner, shitty drunk that he was, seemed to get less hassle than Ben. There were alot of people who deserved a lesson, deserved to really understand, like Ben did, that nothing came easy, that most things were going to go sour. - 299p 

"I need some peace, Diondra, please. Just tell me." 

"Libby, this is about peace, then? You think you know the answer, you're going to find peace? Like knowing is somehow going to fix you? You think after what happened there's any peace for you, sweeheart? How about this. Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Serenity Prayer. It's helped me alot." - 307p

"Aunt Diane?" I said.

She strode across the yard in big solid steps, her face tight. When she was right on top of me, she grabbed me and hugged me with such force it pushed the air out of my lungs. Then she patted me hard twice, held me at arm's length, then pulled me in again.

"I knew you could do it, I knew you could, Libby," she mumbled into my hair, warm and smoky.

"Do what?"

"Try just a little harder." - 345p