Preface 9
Introduction 13
1. The Characteristics of Being Highly Sensitive 16
Two types within the same species 16
We receive more inputs and think deeply about them 17
Sensitive to sensory inputs 19
Easily affected by the moods of other people 21
Conscientious 23
A rich inner life 25
A natural spiritual curiosity 26
A different strategy 27
Slow and judicious 30
Sensation-seeking sensitive people 31
Introvert or extrovert 32
Pros and cons of typology 34
2. High Standards and Low Self-Esteem 36
Personal maxims 36
High standards 37
Self-esteem or self-confidence 38
Why highly sensitive people often lack faith in their own worth 39
How low self-esteem and high standards maintain each other 40
When lowering your standards proves difficult 43
The fear of abandonment 44
Seize the opportunity 46
3. How to Organise Your Life According to Your Type 48
Creating space 48
Setting boundaries 49
When guests linger 51
When you have to say no to something you like 52
Good advice and ideas for dealing with being overwhelmed 54
Some advice about sleep 55
The beneficial effects of water, exercise and physical contact 57
Expressing yourself prevents over-stimulation 58
When you are stimulated from within 58
Telling other people about your sensitivity 59
4. How to Benefit from Your Ability to Relate to Others and Be Present 61
Highly sensitive people prefer high-quality interactions 61
Take breaks 62
Make sure you are part of a dialogue rather than a monologue 63
Figure out what kind of responses you want to give or receive 64
How to deepen a conversation - and lighten it again 69
Interacting on four levels 71
5. How to Face Anger: Your Own and Others' 78
Highly sensitive people have a different strategy when dealing with anger 78
Make use of your abilities to empathise and reflect 83
When it is unwise to be empathic when facing anger 84
When you are not letting others know what you dislike 85
When anger protects us from powerlessness and grief 87
Avoid moralising 89
From 'should' to 'wish' - from anger to sorrow 90
6. Guilt and Shame 93
Relevant guilt 93
Excessive guilt feelings 94
Working with guilt feelings 96
Feelings of shame 98
If you are ashamed of your sensitivity 100
7. Situations in Life 102
Difficulties in relationships 102
To be a highly sensitive parent 104
8. Mental Health Problems 107
Vulnerability to anxiety and depression 107
Exhaustion and depression 109
Feelings and thoughts are closely related - the cognitive model 111
Sometimes it is wise to prepare for the worst 113
The highly sensitive trait may look like anxiety disorder to outsiders 115
Other problems may contribute to a sensitized nervous system 117
9. Developing and Growing 120
Highly sensitive people and psychotherapy 120
Loving yourself - supporting yourself 121
Being compassionate towards yourself 125
Reconciliation 126
The joy of becoming yourself 127
10. Researching the Highly Sensitive Trait 129
Strong reactions to sensory inputs 129
A new articulation 132
Nature and nurture 134
Test results 134
Epilogue: A Gift for the Highly Sensitive 138
Ideas For Highly Sensitive People 141
Inspiring activities 141
Outgoing activities 141
Activities for when you are over-stimulated 142
Test Yourself: How Sensitive are you? 147
Bibliography 153
Acknowledgements 157
About the Author and Translator 159