Prologue xi
The Three Kinds of Conversation 1
Chapter 1 The Matching Principle How to Fail at Recruiting Spies 3
A Guide to Using These Ideas, Part I The Four Rules for a Meaningful Conversation 29
The What's This Really About? Conversation 35
Chapter 2 Every Conversation Is a Negotiation The Trial of Leroy Reed 37
A Guide to Using These Ideas, Part II Asking Questions and Noticing Clues 68
The How Do We Feel? Conversation 77
Chapter 3 The Listening Cure Touchy-Feely Hedge Funders 79
Chapter 4 How Do You Hear Emotions No One Says Aloud? The Big Bang Theory 104
Chapter 5 Connecting Amid Conflict Talking to the Enemy About Guns 131
A Guide to Using These Ideas, Part III Emotional Conversations, in Life and Online 161
The Who Are We? Conversation 169
Chapter 6 Our Social Identities Shape Our Worlds Vaccinating the Anti-Vaxxers 171
Chapter 7 How Do We Make the Hardest Conversations Safer? The Problem Netflix Lives With 198
A Guide to Using These Ideas, Part IV Making Hard Conversations Easier 228
Afterword 235
Acknowledgments 247
A Note on Sources and Methods 249
Notes 251
Index 293