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Introduction 1
Part One The Yearning to Be Understood
1. "Did You Hear What I Said?": Why Listening Is So Important 9
2. "Thanks for Listening": How Listening Shapes Us and Connects Us to Each Other 25
3. "Why Don't People Listen?": How Communication Breaks Down 42
Part Two The Real Reasons People Don't Listen
4. "When Is It My Turn?"-The Heart of Listening: The Struggle to Suspend Our Own Needs 73
5. "You Hear Only What You Want to Hear": How Hidden Assumptions Prejudice Listening 96
6. "Why Do You Always Overreact?!": How Emotionality Makes Us Defensive 111
Part Three Getting Through to Each Other
7. "Take Your Time-I'm Listening": How to Let Go of Your Own Needs and Listen 139
8. "I Never Knew You Felt That Way": Empathy Begins with Openness 157
9. "I Can See This Is Really Upsetting You": How to Defuse Emotional Reactivity 176
Part Four Listening in Context
10. "We Never Talk Anymore": Listening Between Intimate Partners 205
11. "Nobody around Here Ever Listens to Me!": How to Listen and Be Heard within the Family 235
12. From "Do I Have To?" to "That's Not Fair!": Listening to Children and Teenagers 252
13. "I Knew You'd Understand": Being Able to Hear Friends and Colleagues 280
Epilogue 304
Index 309
About the Author 314