Note to the Reader ix
Acknowledgments xi
Introduction: Rethinking Potential 1
1. Tempering Perfectionism: What Is "Good Enough"? 10
Michael: Focusing on flaws 13
Kirsten: Deflecting blame 20
Sam: Avoiding activities at which he doesn't excel 30
Angela: Feeling inadequate 33
2. Building Connection: How Does Your Child Reach Out to Others? 43
Andrew: Seeking an audience rather than a friend 48
Clay: Avoiding joining the group 55
Amalia: Feeling rejected by peers 63
3. Managing Sensitivity: How Does Your Child Handle Criticism, Conflict, and Disappointment? 80
Mario: Perceiving betrayal 83
Jessica: Balking at constructive feedback 90
Samir: Chafing at a change of plans 97
Collin: Shouldering the world's woes 109
4. Handling Cooperation and Competition: How Does your Child Fit in a Group? 118
Steven: Insisting on his way 121
Anita: Being a sore loser 130
Misha: Fearing competition 138
Craig: Dealing with competition in the family 146
5. Dealing with Authority: How Does Your Child Respond to Those in Charge? 161
Lisa: Being blind to authority 164
Nicholas: Making everything an argument 177
Stephanie: Fretting about adults' anger 192
6. Developing Motivation: What Matters to Your Child? 200
Ethan: Avoiding schoolwork 203
Jared: Complaining that schoolwork is boring 208
Diane: Not applying herself in school 221
7. Finding Joy: What Makes Your Child Feel Happy? 238
Monica: Finding Fault instead of fun 242
Conner: Searching for personal meaning 251
Conclusion: The Pressure to Perform Versus the Power to Grow 272
Selected References and Recommended Reading 277
About the Authors 291
Index 293