Foreword
by Jack Canfield xv
Introduction: Secrets of Peaceful Parents xix
Part 1 Regulating Yourself
1. Peaceful Parents Raise Happy Kids 3
Your Number One Responsibility as a Parent 5
Breaking the Cycle: Healing Your Own Wounds 7
How to Manage Your Anger 11
How to Stop Yelling at Your Child 17
When Your Child Melts Down: How to Keep Your Cool 24
You Can Nurture Yourself While Raising Your Child 28
Ten Rules to Raise Terrific Kids 32
Part 2 Fostering Connection
2. The Essential Ingredient for Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids 39
Why Connection Is the Secret to Happy Parenting 40
Connection as Your Child Grows 41
Babies (0-13 Months): Wiring the Brain 41
Toddlers (13-36 Months): Building Secure Attachment 45
Preschoolers (3-5 Years): Developing Independence 51
Elementary Schoolers (6-9 Years): Foundation for the Teen Years 53
Connection Basics 55
How to Connect More Deeply with Your Child 57
How Do You Know When Your Relationship with Your Child Needs Work? 59
Connecting with a Difficult Child 61
Action Guides 64
Your Child's Emotional Bank Account 64
What's So Special About Special Time? 65
Daily Habits to Strengthen and Sweeten Your Relationship with Your Child 70
Use Connection to Get Your Child Out the Door In the Morning 73
Use Connection to make Bedtime Easier 76
Ten Ways to Become a Brilliant Listener 78
But How Do I Get My Child to Listen to Me?! 81
When Your Child Just Shuts Down 83
When You and Your Child Are Stuck in Negativity 85
Part 3 Coaching, not Controlling
3. Raising a Child Who Can Manage Himself: Emotion Coaching 91
Why Emotion-Coach? 93
Emotional Intelligence as Your Child Grows 94
Babies (0-13 Months): A Bedrock of Trust 94
Toddlers (13-36 Months): Unconditional Love 100
Preschoolers (3-5 Years): Empathy 105
Elementary Schoolers (6-9 Years): Emotional Self-Awareness 108
Emotion Coaching Basics 110
How Children Develop Emotional Intelligence 111
Empathy, the Foundation of EQ 111
Your Child's Emotional Backpack 116
Understanding Anger 119
Meeting Your Child's Deepest Needs 122
EQ Coaching with a Difficult Child 124
Action Guides 127
Seven Steps to Nurture Emotional Intelligence in Your Child 128
Emotion-Coaching Your Child Through a Meltdown 130
When Your Child Acts Out but Can't Cry: Building Safety 137
Playing with Your Child: Games for Emotional Intelligence 139
Additional Resources: Scripts for Sibling Conflicts 145
4. Raising a Child Who Wants to Behave: Dare Not to Discipline 147
The Dirty Little Secret About Discipline and Punishment 149
Guidance as Your Child Grows 156
Babies (0-13 Months): Empathic Redirection 156
Toddlers (13-36 Months): Sidestepping Power Struggles 157
Preschoolers (3-5 Years): Learning Self-Management 161
Elementary Schoolers (6-9 Years): Developing Positive Habits 163
Setting Limits with Empathy: The Basics 164
The Sweet Spot Between Strict and Permissive 164
Should You Spank Your Child? 170
Is Yelling the New Spanking? 172
Transform Your Time-Outs to Time-Ins 173
The Truth About Consequences 176
Does Positive Parenting Work with a Difficult Child? 179
Action Guides 180
How to Set Empathic Limits 181
How to Help Kids Who Test the Limits 185
Wean Yourself Off Consequences: Twelve Terrific Alternatives 187
How to Intervene in the Heat of the Moment 191
Empowering Kids to Make Amends with the Three Rs: Reflection, Repair, and Responsibility 193
Preventive Maintenance 194
What If Your Child Crosses the Line? 195
Additional Resources: Scripts 199
5. Raising a Child Who Achieves with Joy and Self-Esteem: Mastery Coaching 201
What Is Mastery Coaching? 203
Building Mastery as Your Child Grows 207
Babies (0-13 Months): The Budding Scientist 207
Toddlers (13-36 Months): Do It Myself: Developing Response-Ability 212
Preschoolers (3-5 Years): Self-Mastery Through Problem Solving 216
Elementary Schoolers (6-9 Years): Exploring Passions 220
Mastery Basics 227
Encouraging Mastery 227
How Kids Develop Resilence 229
Giving Constructive Feedback 231
How to Avoid Helicopter Parenting 235
What If You Have a Child Who Doesn't Develop Mastery Naturally? 237
Action Guides 240
Create a No-Blame Household 240
Developing Responsibility 242
Developing Good Judgment 244
Homework Without Tears 246
Trust Your Child-and Mother Nature 248
Afterword 251
When to Seek Professional Help 251
The Future Is in Your Hands 252
Acknowledgments 253
Further Reading 255
Notes 259
Index 263