Introduction: Courageous Parenting-Taking the Long View xiii
Part 1 Authentic Success: It's Not About Bleeding Hearts Versus Tiger Moms 1
Chapter 1 The Kids Are Not Alright (and Neither Are Their Parents) 3
Chapter 2 How Did We Get into This Mess? 23
Part 2 The "School Years" are Not Just About Academics: A Primer on Child Development 43
Chapter 3 The Tasks of the Elementary School Years: Ages 5-11 45
Learning How to Make Friends and Be a Friend 49
Becoming Competent and Excited About Learning 59
Developing a Sense of Self: Who Am I? 69
Becoming an Empathic Person 73
Remembering to Play 79
General Recommendations for Parenting Your Elementary School Age Child 84
Chapter 4 The Tasks of the Middle School Years: Ages 11-14 89
Navigating Puberty 93
Staying Healthy 103
Building Independence 120
Building a Peer Group 129
Note to Parents 144
Chapter 5 The Tasks of the High School Years: Ages 14-18 145
Becoming an Adult Thinker 148
Learning to Manage Sexuality 159
Building a Sense of Identity 167
Developing Autonomy 174
Part 3 The Resilience Factor: Seven Essential Coping Skills 185
Chapter 6 Teaching Our Kids to Find Solutions 189
Resourcefulness: "I can handle this" instead of "Mom …" 189
Enthusiasm: "I love this" instead of "Whatever" 194
Creativity: "Let's look at this differently" not "What's the right answer?" 201
A Good Work Ethic: "I'm going to keep at it" instead of "I quit" 209
Chapter 7 Teaching Our Kids to Take Action 217
Self-Control: "It just doesn't feel right" instead of "All the kids are doing it" 217
Self-Esteem: "I feel good about myself" instead of "I suck" 225
Self-Efficacy: "I can make a difference" instead of "Nothing I do matters" 232
Part 4 Walking the Talk 241
Chapter 8 Defining and Living Your Family Values: a Paper and Pencil Exercise 243
What Are Your Core Values? 248
Family Values Statement 252
Your Guiding Principles 254
The Family Action Plan 255
Chapter 9 Editing the Script: Becoming the Parents We Want to Be 261
Denial: "Problem? What problem?" 266
Projection: "Yeah, they've got a problem, not me" 271
Peer Pressure: It's Not Just for Teenagers 275
Is Parenting Hereditary? "I can't believe I sound just like my mother" 282
The Trinity of Change: Self-Reflection, Empathy, and Flexibility 286
Acknowledgments 299
Notes 303
Index 311