Preface Fear and Loathing at the Dinner Table vii
Introduction Socializing in the Powder Keg Era 1
Chapter 1 Pre-Mingle Prep 13
The Dangers of "Anti-Social" Media
Embracing Small Talk
Unset Your Mind
Spiritual CliffsNotes: Get Centered
Self-Checklist: Recognize Your Own Triggers
Bad Blood Warning: Stay Clear of Open Wounds
Chapter 2 Safe Starts and Innocuous Initial Forays 31
Rule Number One…and Two and Three: Never Assume
Avoiding the Third Rail: The ABCs of Some Common Volatile Topics
Safe Doesn't Have to Mean Boring
Chapter 3 Entering the DMZ: Taking Chances 43
The Rewards of Respectful Debate
Conversational Recon: How to Test for Friends, Foes, or Fanatics
Telltale Warning Signs of Impending Conversational Doom
Don't Be a Knee Jerk: Techniques for Avoiding Overreaction
Chapter 4 The Way of the Empath 61
Listen with All Your Might (Then Listen Some More)
Ask Real Questions
Visualization: Picturing the Inner Three-Year-Old
Love and Flattery Are Your Best Friends; Keep Them Close
Yielding Without Losing: Applying Tai Chi Principles in Conversation
Chapter 5 Creative Survival Strategies 73
Storytelling as a Smoothing-Over Technique
Conversational Camouflaging: How Going Undercover Is Sometimes Better Than Wearing Your Opinion on Your Sleeve
The Power of Silence
Humor: A Mingler's Greatest Tool
Chapter 6 Diversionary Tactics 85
Swimming to an Island of Common Ground
Deflection: Six Subject-Changing Techniques
The Ejector Seat: Essential Escape Maneuvers
The Party Pause
Graceful Retreat
Chapter 7 Helping Others: Being a Social Diplomat 109
Peacekeeping Missions
The Fine Art of Distraction
Beware of Death by Triangulation
Helping a Partner
Lending a Hosting Hand
Chapter 8 When Mingling Online 129
How to Don Your Virtual Armor
Seven Rules to Post By
Counting to Ten (Hours)
Dealing with Trolls
Chapter 9 Channeling Your Inner Buddha: Family Get-Togethers 141
Pre-visit Instructions
Love Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry (That You Voted for Someone Else)
Divide and Conquer (or at Least Contain)
Baby Steps: Venturing Out of the Neutral Zone
Chapter 10 Handling Special Circumstances 159
Advice for Handling Upsetting Public Altercations
Tangling with the Tangential: Doctors, Doormen, and Dry Cleaners
A Word About Facing Nonpolitical "Enemies"
Picking Battles: When It Is Worth a Skirmish
Epilogue The "Enemy" Dispelled 179
Acknowledgments 181
Endnotes 183