Prologue xi
The Three Kinds of Conversation 1
Chapter 1 The Matching Principle
How to Fail at Recruiting Spies 3
A Guide to Using These Ideas. Part I
The Four Rules for a Meaningful Conversation 37
The What's This Really About? Conversation 43
Chapter 2 Every Conversation Is a Negotiation
The Trial of Leroy Reed 45
A Guide to Using These Ideas, Part II
Asking Questions and Noticing Clues 86
The How Do We Feel? Conversation 97
Chapter 3 The Listening Cure
Touchy-Feely Hedge Funders 99
Chapter 4 How Do You Hear Emotions No One Says Aloud?
The Big Bang Theory 132
Chapter 5 Connecting Amid Conflict
Talking to the Enemy About Guns 167
A Guide to Using These Ideas, Part III
Emotional Conversations, in Life and Online 206
The Who are We? Conversation 217
Chapter 6 Our Social Identities Shape Our Worlds
Vaccinating the Anti-Vaxxers 219
Chapter 7 How Do We Make the Hardest Conversations Safer?
The Problem Netflix Lives With 255
A Guide to Using These Ideas, Part IV
Making Hard Conversations Easier 294
Afterword 303
Acknowledgments 319
A Note on Sources and Methods 321
Notes 323
Index 405