Introduction 1
Part 1 Change Your Mental Defaults 9
1. Four Seconds: Pause. Breathe. Course Correct 13
2. Why the Pinto Blew Up: Rethink Goal Setting 17
3. Byron's Real Problem: Commit to Following Through 22
4. My First TEDx Talk: Ditch the Urge to Be Perfect 25
5. It Finally Felt Like Mine: Trust Yourself First 29
6. Nothing Helped My Tennis Elbow: Stand Back and Do Nothing 33
7. Everything Is Amazing and No One Is Happy: Accept Reality Change Expectations 37
8. The Value of Drinking Tea: Make Time for Rituals 41
9. Before Slipping the Kayak into the Water: Prepare Every Day 44
10. A Lesson from My Wireless Router: Reset Yourself 47
11. This Is What It Feels Like to …: Stop Performing. Start Experiencing 50
12. "I Have No Time to Think": Invest in Unfocused Focus 54
13. Why I Returned My iPad: Embrace Boredom 58
14. Dorit's First-Grade Classroom: Ignore the Inner Critic 62
15. Carlos's Double Whammy: Reclaim Your Sweet Spot 67
16. House Rock Rapid: Imagine the Worst 71
17. Turn the Boat Toward the Wind: Be Prepared with a Process, Not a Solution 75
Part 2 Strengthen Your Relationships 79
18. A Lesson from My Mother-in-Law: Prioritize Relationships 85
19. The Hardest Part Is After the Speech: Show People Who You Truly Are 89
20. He Broke Up with Her in a Text: Don't Let the Package Distract You from the Message 93
21. I Want to Be Like You When I'm Seventy-Seven: Choose to Be Inspired by People 97
22. A Lesson from My Mother: Refuse to Write Someone Off 101
23. The Inescapable Parking Ticket: Walk Away from an Argument 106
24. Don't Blame the Dog: Take the Blame Instead 110
25. Hardware Stores Don't Sell Milk: Learn Other People's Rules of Engagement 114
26. Sophia's First Powder Day: Meet People Where They Are 119
27. It Was a Long Shot: Become a Great Receiver 123
28. A False Start Gets You Disqualified: Empathize First. Help Them Feel Better Later 127
29. It's Not About the Shampoo: Listen for the Unspoken 131
30. My Best Birthday Ever: Give the Gift of Appreciation 135
31. Getting a Free Upgrade to First Class: Appeal to People's Generosity 140
32. Why Tim Didn't Get the Promotion: Don't Skip Your Thank-Yous 144
33. No: Establish Boundaries with Others 148
34. Towing Our Neighbor's Son's Car: Ask Questions. Don't Attack Back 152
Part 3 Optimize Your Work Habits 157
35. Hair Salon Leadership: Keep Your Cool 162
36. George Washington vs. Super Bowl I: See Individuals Individually 166
37. Complaining with Complainers: Neutralize Negativity 170
38. The Training Wheels Had to Come Off: Let People Tail-or Almost Fail 175
39. Are You Ready to Be a Leader?: Support Others' Success 178
40. Who Deserves Credit for a Great Movie?: Share the Glory 181
41. The Chef Who Didn't Get It: Take Responsibility for Your Colleagues' Work 185
42. I've Got Too Much to Do …: Offer to Do Other People's Work 189
43. The Day the Distribution Centers Were Full: Focus on Outcome, Not Process 194
44. Don't Bet on Winning the Lottery: Zero In on What Matters to the Organization 199
45. Ron Drones On and On: Be Helpful Instead of Nice 204
46. "Actually, There Is Something …": Accept the Gift of Criticism 208
47. Crying About a Gift: Create a Safe Space for Yourself and Others 213
48. I Don't Miss a Thing: Stop Checking E-mail 217
49. The No-PowerPoint Rule: Embrace the Informal Meeting 221
50. The Pea Haters Who Ate Peas Like Pea Lovers: Tell Stories to Get Others to Change 225
51. How Jori Lost Eighty Pounds: Forget Willpower. Restructure Your Environment 229
Conclusion 235
Acknowledgments 241
Notes 245
Index 249
About the Author 255