Table Of Contents:
Foreword ix
Preface xi
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction 1
Chapter 1: Planting the Seeds That Lead to Your Patterns 5
Attachment Theory and the Infant 6
Four Distinct Attachment Styles 13
Emotions and Arousal Regulation 17
Attachment in Adulthood 23
Conclusion 35
End-of-Chapter Exercises 36
Chapter One Takeaway 37
Chapter 2: Attachment and Your Developing Brain 39
The Brain and How It Works 41
Survival Is King 50
How the Brain Interprets Threat 54
How We Remember 56
Attachment and Brain Development 61
It's All about Emotional Regulation 70
The Body Remembers Everything 76
Conclusion 83
End-of-Chapter Exercise 85
Chapter Two Takeaway 85
Chapter 3: How Your Brain Affects Your Behavior 87
How the Past Affects Your Present 88
The Nervous System and Your Behavior 89
Defense Mechanisms 99
The Four Fears 110
Conclusion 118
End-of-Chapter Exercise 119
Chapter Three Takeaway 120
Chapter 4: Are You Sleepwalking? 121
Everyone Develops Unconscious Patterns 122
How to Change Your Patterns 136
Conclusion 152
End-of-Chapter Exercise 154
Chapter Four Takeaway 155
Chapter 5: How to Wake Up 157
Recognizing Your Triggers 160
How to Regulate Your Nervous System 164
A Reminder about Your Amygdala 177
Releasing Stuck Impulses 179
Respond, Don't React 187
Know Your Audience and Speak Their Language 189
Conclusion 194
End-of-Chapter Exercise 195
Chapter Five Takeaway 196
Chapter 6: Now That You're Awake 197
Compassion and Self-Esteem 198
Why We Focus on the Negative 199
"Just Notice" 201
Achieving Equanimity 202
Refocusing Your Attention 203
Dual Awareness 205
Be the Change 206
Coming Full Circle 207
Conclusion 209
End-of-Chapter Exercise 211
Chapter Six Takeaway 212
Resources 213
References 214
Index 217
About the Author 225